this one is for you and you and you.

They say bad things come in 3's, and this week it's heartbreak. Three of my closest friends have experienced it in some form during the past week or so. They all live far from me, so I do what I can through phone/text/email. But it's hard, not being there as a shoulder, a sturdy shoulder with lots of experience on the subject at hand. I've been there, I know exactly what they are going through, and I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. Lucky for me I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, all very unique in their own ways, yet they all share one common trait....they are all incredibly strong. And they have all been there for me in one way or another with wisdom, advice and open ears....So when I stumbled across this quote I automaticly thought of them (and myself) and had to share it.....



"So this one goes out to all of the people who have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who felt like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accepted the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured.For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it’s better just to let go."

i carry your heart with me

I don't cry during sappy movies, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't always have the words for what I want/need to say. But I think deep down I am a hopeless romantic after all. This poem has always been one of my favorites, and today...when I am at a loss for words, E.E. Cummings saves the day.....

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I resolve to (fill in the blank) in 2010.

here are just a few of mine.....

-volunteer
-pay off all my debt
-take up rock climbing
-hike more
-knock 20 min off of my half marathon time
-learn to play the keyboard (once and for all)
-go back to school
-learn to sew
-be open to love (but still feel complete without it)
-live simply
-save for a vacation (somewhere far from here)

what do you resolve to do in 2010?...........................

resolutions

ive always been really big on making resolutions. i usually make about 10 and accomplish about half of my list (if that). i like making lists. i like checking things off. im organized, almost to a fault. but sometimes the year just slips past me. im looking at my 2009 resolution list as i type. i'll be honest, not even half of it is checked off....but to give credit where credit is deserved, i did check off some of the really big ones. i stopped eating meat, moved out on my own, ran a half marathon, and i have become increasingly more adventurous then i ever dreamed i could be :)
as 2010 approaches, i have already started brainstorming what resolutions i will be putting on my list for the year ahead. i always add the ones i didn't accomplish from the year before and add about 5 more, depending on my mood. but as i mentioned before...i have become increasingly more adventurous this year...so the list may end up being a bit longer.

it's only the middle of december right now, ive still got a few weeks to accomplish some more of my 2009 resolution list. i better get busy.....im not gonna loose 10 lbs just sitting here...lol..jk. loosing weight is no longer going on my resolution list. living a healthy/active lifestyle is though. well.....
2010 is calling my name, and im beyond excited to see what it has to bring.

Hey, It's OK.........

….to change into your pajamas the second you get home from work
….to take off everything before stepping onto the scale – underwear, jewelery, ponytail holder.….to give up on chopsticks and ask for a fork.
….to send your mom straight to voicemail every once in a while.
….to start your to-do list with a task you’ve already done.…. to eat really sharp, crusty bread that hurts and wonder, how in God’s name will I deal with childbirth?
….if your favorite section of the newspaper is still the comics.
….to wonder if you can still be sexy in bed... with your socks on.
….to press 0 to speak to a live human every single time.
….to put on lipgloss before going to the gym.
….if your yoga pants have become so all-purpose, you should just call them pants.
….to put down and abandon a full basket of groceries at trader joe’s because saving $15 is not worth waiting 30 minutes in a crowded cramped line (I don’t agree with this one of course, being that I work @TJ’s, but had to add it since it made me laugh)
….to believe your scale in the morning, but not at night.
….to save calories all day just to completely splurge on ice cream at night.
….to push your sunglasses up onto your head and consider it a hairstyle.
….to pretend to text message to get out of talking with the hyper-chatty person standing next to you. It's called communi-faking, and we all do it.
….to prefer flowers to makeup sex.
….to secretly hope that your ex considers you the one that got away.
….to wear a bra that gives you an unfair advantage.
….to take offense at whatever follows “hey, no offense….”
….to do a ring check the minute you meet a cute guy.
….to never quite figure out what to do with the back of your hair or make it look half as good as the front.
….to consider your life happy and on track even if it doesn't involve a mortgage or a man.
….to let a Facebook friend invitation idle in your inbox, because you don’t particularly want the person as a friend, but you feel a little bad rejecting them.
….to tell a friend you already have plans on Saturday night when your “plans” really just include the couch, ice cream and whatever happens to be languishing in your TiVo.

i don't really read Glamour magazine anymore...but came across an old copy and remembered how much i loved their "hey, it's ok" page....so i thought i'd compile a few of my favorites here....feel free to come up with some of your own....always a good laugh.....and always nice to know that your not the only one who feels/thinks the way you do.

approaching 27...........gulp

i just got off the phone with a good friend of mine, we were talking about when we met, back when i was just barely 18. thinking back on it, i remember it like it was yesterday. i was young, naive and not half the woman i am today. i was lost, confused, scared, angry, sad, and did i mention lost? that was almost 9 years ago. and i have since grown and changed in ways i never thought i could at that age. when i was 18, i thought i knew everything about life.....but boy did life prove me wrong. i learned the lessons the hard way. i learned about love and loss, all the hard way. i faced setback after setback and obstacle after obstacle, and cried my heart out over every single one as if the world was ending. i thought for sure life would get the best of me, that i was not cut out for it, that i would eventually be pushed to my limit and snap. but somehow, through it all, i learned and i grew and i overcame and i survived and came out of it all the woman i am today. i am strong, a thousand times more strong than my 18 year old self. confident, in ways far more important than my 18 year old self was. i am more optimistic now then maybe i should be. i dont know who to thank for that, but wherever or whomever i learned the power of optimism, i am eternally grateful.
i will be turning 27 in little over a week from now, and ill be honest, im still a little lost. but in the best way possible. i have the world at my fingertips, and nothing but love in my heart. i am not bitter, angry or sad. i do not hate, regret, or envy. i am honest, hopeful, and happy. and 27 doesnt seem like the worst thing in the world when i think about how far ive come and how much i have learned.

getting the wheels turning

im starting to realize more and more, that i need to be more proactive in my own life. more involved, more concerned, more invested. it's just me, little ol' me. it took me til now to be able to wrap my head around that concept. there is no road map, no set of rules, just my heart, soul, dreams, and me.
the good news in all of this is that i know where my heart is, i know what my dreams are and i know that i am 100% capable.
this last year has tested me in ways i never dreamed. and im proud to say that i have survived and come out a better person afterall. there is nothing like a hard dose of reality to get you motivated.
i applied for financial aid this morning, chances are with my 2008 tax return looking as shabby as it does, i will actually qualify for once in my life. fall sememster starts in august. financial aid or not, i will be attending.
life is constantly going to be challenging me with setbacks and roadblocks and obstacles, its just part of the journey. i challenge myself to learn from it all, and to never give up, and most importantly....enjoy the journey.